Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
People in love make me want to vomit
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
