I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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