The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
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I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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