Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
