I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
