you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
