I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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