I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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