Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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