what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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