I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
