DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
