She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
