There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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