Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
