I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
