he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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