Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
