those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
