i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
