Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
