I skipped work to stalk him.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Farmville is her only friend.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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