I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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