this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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