Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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