You're my little dorito
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
