we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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