As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
