Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
