this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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