tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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