It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
