yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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