Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
