after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
