Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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