he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
