I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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