Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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