I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
