conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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