I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left