dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I cockslap morals
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
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College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
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he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual