I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.