Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...