Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD