apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.