talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
