I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
