And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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