Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize