I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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