nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
