There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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