I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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