She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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