Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I supernannyed him into submission
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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