College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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