Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
