You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
