So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
