thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
