yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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