I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
