the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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