i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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