it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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