I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
