I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
