I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drunk is not a location!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
