This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
