So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
