i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
