Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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