saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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