help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
